


Five (or more) Symptoms of Something Amiss - Or - Fucking Fear

by ScarletteStar1



Category: Sex Education (TV)
Genre: Erotica, F/M, Fear, First Time, Oral Sex, Vaginal Sex, erotic angst, get your act together Jean, jakob is glorious, the title is a double entendre- see what I did there? hahah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-16 02:17:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18682099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarletteStar1/pseuds/ScarletteStar1
Summary: Jean recalls her first erotic encounter with Jakob, and attempts to analyze herself as she does.





	Five (or more) Symptoms of Something Amiss - Or - Fucking Fear

She hadn’t changed her sheets.

It was the first symptom something was amiss.

Typically, after spending time in her bed with a lover she changed the sheets. In fact, typically, she could not get them off her bed and into the wash quickly enough. But after Jakob, she left them there for a while. She stared at them until the jewel toned paisley swam before her. Then she huffed out a sigh.

“Get yourself together, Jean,” she whispered. “You’re simply reeling from an unusually pleasurable encounter, basking in an afterglow of post coital hormones. It is nothing more than a surge of oxytocin and dopamine, combined of course with his particularly arousing essence.” Her toes curled in her espadrilles, recalling how Jakob had pulled her roughly into him. Their first, fierce kiss quickly gentled as their bodies softened into the other with maddening heat and sweetness. His beard had scratched her cheek and neck as he nuzzled her. She’d gasped at the intensity of it, and he’d apologized.

 _Am I hurting you? I do not want to hurt you_ , he’d said, hot against her ear. His big hands stroked back her hair and held her head like she was no more than a kitten.

 _Oh, no_ , she’d whispered and stood on tiptoes to bring her arms around his neck. She’d sought the depths of his mouth with her tongue, only half aware he’d lifted her and was carrying her up the stairs. _My room is_ \- she started to say.

 _I know, I know. I’ve been working in your house for days, remember?_ , he chuckled back at her. He plopped her down on her bed and grinned at her. _We are doing this, yeah?_ He asked. She nodded in a daze of expectant ecstasy and he tore off his shirt to stand before her covered in crude and imperfect ink. Unable to tear her eyes from him, her fingers fumbled toward her blouse, and he grunted. _Let me._ So she allowed him to undress her as though she were a doll and all the while she stared at him in a sense wonder. He positioned her on the bed and spread her legs slightly so he could admire her. _Pretty, pretty Jean_ , he sighed and then without any pretense he shucked off his own pants and covered her body with his own.

Afterglow indeed. She rolled her eyes wryly.

Still, she did not remove the sheets. Instead, she picked her yellow kimono up from the floor. She sat on the edge of the bed and brought a corner of the material to her face.

His words raced repeatedly in her mind. _I really like you, Jean. I would like to get to know you better_.

She sought his scent as she clutched the garment against her, the way she had wanted to embrace him when he had said those words.

She felt him, but couldn’t find him.

“Fucking pheromones,” she hissed and swatted angrily at tears seeping down her cheek.

Fear had slammed the door between them, catching some very delicate and sensitive part of her as it shut. The pain was almost shocking. It almost made her double over into herself, in its hot, glowing ache, until she remembered it was an imaginary thing.

Her fingers twisted in the canary fabric as she recalled how his smile had shifted from expectant to disappointed in the blink of her eye. Her doing.

“I must own this. This is what I want. This is for the best, isn’t it now?” She let the kimono fall by her hip where she sat.

She supposed speaking to herself was a second symptom. Or a third, if you counted the tears.

Or a fourth or a fifth. The imaginary aching. The searching for his scent among her own things. Her entire behavioral repertoire was completely symptomatic, although of what she was not certain.

 _You are a strange woman_. The recollection of his perplexed face forced her to smile, much as his fingers and tongue and then his ample male member had forced wave after wave of easy, delicious pleasure. Had anything ever been so easy? She looked up at her ceiling as she contemplated this question. Of course it was always easy with the lovers she took to her bed, but only because she was so in control of her own desire and completion. With Jakob, it had been so different. While he had not competed with her for power in their exertions, he had taken charge with utmost tenderness. His authority existed in his adoration. When she had reached for the bottle of lube, he had growled playfully and pulled her arm back.

 _Let me,_ he purred and lowered himself between her legs to skillfully soak her, first with his own tongue, and then with the wetness that arose naturally from her. Christ! She hadn’t been that naturally wet in at least a decade. When he seemed satisfied with his progress, he groaned contentedly against her, plunged two fingers into her, curled them against her inner wall and brought even more of her musky slick to coat her throbbing clitoris.

 _Oh, oh, Jakob, oh fuck_ , Jean gasped. She clutched his head and bucked her hips up as she prepared to come, but with a steady strength and a sly smile, he pulled off of her.

 _Not yet_ , he muttered as he wiped a tattooed arm across his mouth and climbed up to meet her. _Will be better if you wait a bit, eh?_ He chuckled. With any other man, Jean would have been righteously indignant that they try to assume what would be better for her between the sheets, but with Jakob, she simply succumbed to his lips over her neck and face as he stroked himself to proper hardness to penetrate her.

When their bodies joined, she threw both of her arms and both of her legs around him, as though desperate he be as deep as possible as quickly as possible. But he hushed her, stroked her face and set a slow pace as though he were savoring every bit of her. Lowering his face, he licked and sucked at her nipples and explored the ridges of her ribs as he plunged in and out of her in his languid manner. Again, he met her eyes with a look of authoritative adoration when she tried to reach for her clit. He brushed her hand away and put his own hand down between them. _Let me_ , he murmured again and she let him.

With his fingers he’d drawn silky circles on her until she arched beneath him and climaxed hard and long in breathy gulps as she clung to him. He removed his hand from her clit, which was now overly sensitive, and placed it around her, on the small of her back which was still arched up. He slowed his fucking of her so she could fully feel her orgasm and come down a bit, and then he sped up. His cock felt so gloriously filling and lovely in her and Jean cried out as he took her harder. _Mmmm,_ he’d groaned. _I like these noises you make for me._ So she made them again and again until he pressed into her with a heavy grunt and held her so tightly to him she could feel his release within her.

They had laid there speechless for a while. Grinning at her, Jakob reminded her of a great, lazy cat, stretched out and completely confident and comfortable in his own skin. _Now I fix your sink_ , he said at last and with a pat on her thigh, he rose from the bed. He grabbed the yellow kimono and her throat tensed with the urge to tell him not to wear that one. Another symptom, perhaps? That she didn’t want him wearing the robe that all her men threw on post coitally?

Then there had been the way she’d attempted to entrap him into a disclosure in the kitchen as she peered at him over her mug. She’d intentionally painted a portrait of a man much like herself- someone sexually prolific and non committal, someone who loved the thrill of the chase and didn’t want to overstay his welcome. Someone who avoided intimacy. She must have known she was wrong. Dead wrong. Why on earth had she done that? To what end? What could she possibly have hoped to accomplish?

“You were testing him, weren’t you,” she said as she flopped back against the pillows. She knew she was, but even as she laid there she could not discern if she was hoping he would prove her right or wrong. “You make a lousy case study, Jean Milburn. You are obvious and provocative and irrational.”

Guileless, Jakob had pierced her with his cyan stare and told her his truth. _You are the first woman I’ve had sex with since my wife died._

This made her special, sacred almost, in some unique way that could have been lovely but just felt like a burden. It was, of course, the answer she wanted on some level after the encounter they had just shared, but on another level. . .

Her speech came easily and by rote. _I’m sorry if I’ve given you the wrong impression. . ._

They were words she’d used dozens of times. They were so practiced she could say them in her sleep. Yet when she’d recited them with Jakob, her heart had raced and her breath had hitched in awkward places. It was more than the fact that she simply wanted to spare him pain, although she couldn’t admit what it really was, not even to herself.

“I literally fucked fear,” she whispered into her empty room. “Oh, Jakob. Jakob,” she repeated just to hear his name on her lips.

She rose from her bed and reached for her phone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my first story in the Sex Education-iverse. I am so infatuated with this show and particularly with this gorgeous ship. These two actors are such a gift to the world and just make such a perfect pairing in this show. . . I hope to write more for them. If you feel like saying hi, I would love to hear from you! Comments are like the air I breathe, and I try to respond to everyone. I don't know too many people in this fandom yet and would love to meet some new friends to Stan these two with!! xoxoxo!


End file.
